Thursday, December 1, 2011

G'day, bidet!

Unless you instantly recognize the second word, this title doesn't read well at all.  Phonetically it reads, "guh-day, buh-dey".  Alright, in my head this clever pairing of words was a great jumping off point for today's blog, but now I've just gone and overcomplicated things.  

Anyway, is it usually the first thing I say each morning as I walk into my bathroom.  Before any of you reading this start to freak-out, let me give you a heads up. While this blog will contain some toilet humor, I'll try to keep it somewhat clean as to not ruin your cinnamon scone.  Check out the toilet/sink portion of my pretty little bathroom, below!

So there it is...right there in the middle.  

Can I just get right to it?  How the heck does one operate this thing?  Since 1906 has somebody actually used one of these?  My uncle has a version of a bidet over at the Pfau Lighthouse in Lincoln City.  Don't get me wrong, it's downright SHOCKING at first...but really, it's basically a normal toilet with a little squirt gun that pops out before you flush to give you a quick rinse.  We're not talking Supersoaker-like jet stream here, just a gentle splash to aid in the cleaning process.  This, to me, is unnecessary.  I tend to pride myself on being an above average wiper.  Some say I'm even anal about it (bada bing!).  Oh my gosh, I've been trying to work that joke into a conversation for YEARS!

Jokes aside, the 6 inches off the ground, oblong, Grand Canyon-style basin that we're working with is something entirely different.  You can clearly see in the picture above, that the radius of the bidet is MUCH larger than that of the standard toilet.  Are you supposed to use one of those kiddie booster seats to keep  from falling in?!

I read online that it can also be used for washing your feet?  Uhhh...who really wants to give themselves a pedicure in the same tub they waterpik their bum with?

Ok, I realize that this is getting grody.  I'll knock it off.  But first, here are a couple other alternative uses I came up with for the lovely bidet...

 Dog bowl?

 Miniature Koi pond?

Bulk contact lens holder?

And, of course, my favorite alternative use...

 Barf bin

It seems that (if kept clean) it would make for a great double-puke option.  Say Michael and I were to pop open one too many bottles of champagne on New Years of us wouldn't end up puking on the others' back...not that that has happened before. (real fast, can you believe that all I had to do to find that image was google "double puke"? just awesome)

While we're on the topics of bathrooms and since I've likely destroyed your breakfast, below is a picture of our second loo.

I apologize if this leaves you with an unappetising visual, but holy bulk-head seating!  Can we get a little leg room, for crying out loud?!?  Then again, we have 2, count'em, 2 bathrooms!  This is big time for us.  It's been said that the secret to a long-lasting marriage is having separate bathrooms.  There might be something to this, I'm beginning to learn...

1 comment:

  1. only you can write and entire and witty post about bathrooms. This is actually way tamer than I'm used to from you...